Randal B. Caldwell Wills and Probate Law Blog on Lawyers.com

Q         My elderly father is a widower and living along in Iowa in his own home.  He is becoming more and more confused.  Generally, he is pretty healthy when I visit, but occasionally I notice a pot on the stove with nothing in it becoming extremely hot.  I have talked to Dad about assisted living but he says he is not moving.  He says people are coming into his house and stealing his stuff.  He accuses my spouse who has always been close to him.  How can I get him to go into assisted living?

A         Unfortunately, you are experiencing the difficulties that many with elderly parents are going through.  Generally, unless Dad is a danger to himself or others, suffering from a mental illness, and/or unable to make his own choices, you will be limited to a patient, cajoling approach. 

            Those who suffer from mental illness in Iowa who are a danger to themselves or others may be subject to civil commitment.  This is a court proceeding where the judge or referee examines a doctor’s report to determine if the individual needs to be held for examination.  The clerk of court can help you begin this process, but you should be aware that it can become very adversarial and may ruin your relationship with Dad, especially if he has become suspicious of those closest to him.

            If your Dad has signed a healthcare power of attorney, there are some decisions that can be made but only if he cannot make them himself.  The healthcare power of attorney could not be used to force him into assisted living in this situation.

            Guardianship and conservatorships are civil proceedings that can be used to impose restrictions on people who are no longer able to make their own decisions.  But procedural protections have been put in place in Iowa to ensure that Dad would be informed of his rights, would have an attorney to inform him of his rights and to respond to the allegations in the Petition for guardianship, and would have the guardianship or conservatorship imposed only if he was unable to make decisions.  Also, the guardianship and conservatorship can be limited by the judge to give him as much freedom as possible.  Again, this can become a contentious battle.

            Our experience is that you need to be prepared to move quickly if Dad expresses the need for assistance.  Dad’s attorney should be informed of the situation and told that he may need to prepare documents (power of attorney, healthcare power of attorney, etc.) quickly should the need arise.  Unfortunately, the situation usually resolves itself when a medical issue arises.  If Dad is placed in a hospital, it is our experience that it is easier to convince him to go to assisted living or a nursing home after his hospital stay for a “limited time” then it is to go from home to such a facility.

            Best of luck to you in this difficult time.  Every situation is different depending upon family history and the temperament of the parties.  But there are similarities as well. You may benefit from contact with Alzheimer caregiver support groups.  A list can be found at www.Alz.org/greateriow a/in_my_community_support.asp

.  You can also find information from the Iowa Department of Elder Affairs at www.aging.iowa.gov